10 out of 10 Experts Agree That I'm No Expert

There are a lot of experts out there. Incidentally, I'm not one of them, tho now, with this blog, I play one here on the Internet.

I'm not an expert parent, just ask my kids tonight at about midnight when they'll still be up.

I'm not an expert on being a great wife, just ask my hubby when I tell him that he doesn't get to come home unless he stops leaving his coffee mugs all over the house.

I'm not an expert on surviving set-backs, just ask my pharmacist.

I'm not an expert on fashion or femininity, just ask my neighbors who catch glimpses of my daily ensembles that include my hubby's Hot Rod t-shirts coupled with pink heart clad Victoria's Secret sweat pants and Adidas sandals.

I'm not an expert home maker. Take cooking for example, I don't ever make the same thing twice since the art (or as that beast Martha calls it, "the necessity") of measuring escapes me. Cleaning? Well, I sure do a hell of a lot of it, but the house sure continues to look like hell. Decorating? I've got everything from Grandma's china to Walmart's finest pleather clad child recliners to work with..with that kind of amazingness, I have no excuse.

I'm most certainly not an expert on religion or politics as I tend to tune out other people's offerings on those subjects, therefore learning very little in the process. You see, I don't trust their non-expert opinions.

I'm not an expert in the arts. I like to watch ballet or dance, but space out and end up wondering where they get their spray tan or if they ever eat a Twinkie. I kind of like to listen to classical music...well, at least when it is the "sound-track" to those cheesy photo compilations creative people make..well, that is, until I start spacing out swearing I've seen that picture before in their "creation". I like art, but have a hard time figuring out why a picture of a plum is supposed to be symbolic of war or some crap like that. I'm not particularly well read, in part because my A.D.D. space outs are NOT all that helpful in following story lines, and the other part is that I am a commitment-phobe. No one aims to read half of a book or 1/3 of an article, if they pick the words up, they intend to read it in it's entirety. Well, to me that is like a contract. If I open the book, it means I have to stick with it. So, I don't pick it up too often, that way we don't get "attached".

I'm not an expert writer. I'm not very good at the fundamentals. I'm a terrible speller. I don't remember my rules of constructing sentences and proper punctuation..ya know, the details. I have zero ability to condense, always ramble on and on, often repeating myself. So, I don't like MY writing, but I do like TO write. I think it comes down to the fact that I can say whatever I want to say, however I want to say it, without the inconvenience of actual talking. Don't get me wrong, I'm not afraid to talk..even publicly...the problem with talking is that, well, people talk back. With writing, I don't have to worry about pesky interruptions...ya know, like actual human faces and voices.

So, you see, I'm not an expert on anything. In fact, I know just enough about a little bit to get me in a lot of trouble..especially since I like to talk A LOT about the little bit I do know. Worse, I'm not an expert in biting my tongue either, so my non expert opinions are also unedited.

I always say, I can be either your favorite person or your worst nightmare, I have references for both. Some are even experts.